NEW YEARS – Why I May or May Not Have Celebrated This Year

Three years ago this was a tough week. December 28th was 4 days before my mom passed away. My family and I said our last goodbyes to my mom on New Year’s Eve. That was the hardest goodbye I ever had to say. New Year’s day 2014 at 7pm at night I got that dreaded phone call from my dad telling me he was all alone now. While he was feeling all alone I was feeling like an orphan.

Two years ago on New Year’s Eve my family went to a party like we’ve done in previous years. Before my mom passed away I loved this party. Two years ago it was a different story. I went and I did my best to smile, laugh and have a good time. I played games and put on a good show, but deep down inside my heart I was crying. All I could think about was my mom and how much I missed her. I know my husband knew I was hurting because every once in awhile he would caress my arm or hold me and kiss my forehead. The he would ask me how I was doing even though he knew. I told him I was doing ok, but we both knew I was ready to cry.

Last New Year’s Eve we went to that same party. It was a little bit easier to have fun, but I was still missing my mom. After all it was the anniversary of her death and it always will be. I did my best again to have fun and smile and laugh and all that good stuff. And again my husband held me, kissed my forehead and kept watch over me out of love.

This year is no different. We are getting ready for a New Year, 2017 and I still miss my mom. New Year’s Eve and Day are still difficult for me. In fact I prefer not to celebrate them anymore. I would rather be doing something fun or try to do something fun with my husband and our 3 kids so I can try to keep my mind and heart off the hurt.

This New Years weekend we started by going to NYC.  We went to the Freedom Tower, a Church near it and Dylan’s Candy Shop. After that we did a lot of walking. When I say a lot of walking I mean we walked 8 miles. After NYC we drove over to Brooklyn and spent some time with my dad.

We took him to 86st for a bit and then we went to Vesuvius, a pizza place for supper. It was nice to spend a little time with my dad on the third anniversary of my moms death. Hugging him goodbye wasn’t easy that night. I’m pretty sure we were both ready to cry, but held it back. On our way home we drove by Dyker Heights so we could see the Christmas Lights

Saturday, New Year’s Eve I ended up not feeling good. Getting a cold is never any fun. We went about our day as usual anyway, with the exception of starting our Saturday morning with yummy Brooklyn bagels. We went to a couple of different stores and bought what we needed. With me not feeling good my husband and I agreed it would be nice spending our New Year’s Eve sitting on the couch, watching movies and maybe drinking some hot chocolate. That may sound boring, but for me it beats going to a party where I would have to try to have fun with others.

My husband suggested we have lunch on New Year’s Day at the Melting Pot knowing that will take us a couple of hours to eat. I thought that was a great idea! We can “celebrate” or not New Year’s Day just the five of us. Hopefully it will keep my mind off of the fact that it’s the third anniversary of my mom’s death.

If you’re wondering what the first year without my mom was like for me you can read about it all my my Brooklyn/Upstate book. The last section Part 3 Good-Bye Mom tells the following : My Mommy, A Phone Call, Saying Good-Bye, All Of The Firsts, Loss, Dear Mom and Missing You.

I did a lot of crying while writing this section of my book. Don’t be surprised if it makes you cry too.