For most people the first of the month usually means it’s time to pay the rent. For others it might mean it’s payday. It could also be a combination of the two, rent day and payday. Who knows. I’m sure for those who get a paycheck on the first of the month that makes it a happy day for them.
For me the first day of the month has a whole other meaning. It’s more of a sad time of the month for me. It’s the time of the month when I really think about my mom and the day she passed away. The day she left us. It was the first day of the month. It was New Years Day. I find myself lately purposely not looking at my calendar when it’s getting close to the first day of the month. When that day,that first day finally does show itself I find myself completely ignoring the calendar as much as I can for that day.
I can always feel it creeping up on me too. I will look at my calender for one thing and then realize that day is coming around again. Real soon too. Looking at the calender and seeing that first day on it reminds me of what I went through those first couple of days in January. Feeling like an orphan. Going down to Brooklyn with my husband to help my dad make all the funeral arrangements. I had to be strong for my dad those couple of days when all I really wanted to do was cry my heart out. Yep, the first of the month not so good for me anymore! .
