Crying
When I was going through my miscarriage I can remember doing a lot of crying. I could not help it. The tough part was when I was in public and I could feel the tears coming. I do not like to cry in public so I would always do my best to wait till I at least got into my car and then I let the tears go. It did not necessarily make me feel better all the time, but the tears were there and they needed to get out. I can remember crying and praying at the same time.
Do not be scared to cry. I think it’s one of the most important ways for people to get their emotions out. I know it is for me. Quite possibly the only way to get emotions out at times. I was very surprised to find out how many tears I actually had in my eyes. Just when I thought I could not possibly cry any more it started all over again.
One way I look at it is if God did not want us to cry then he would not have given us tears. Crying can be a very powerful tool when you’ve had a miscarriage. Crying is not a sign of weakness quite the opposite. How often do women or girls cry because they are so frustrated over something that they can not take any more and they start to cry? A lot. How do they feel after wards? They feel some relief it may not be a lot but it’s just enough for them to be able to get through whatever it is they are going through. It’s pretty much the same with a miscarriage. I got so frustrated because I did not know why it happened to me and all I could do was cry. Getting the hurt and frustrations out with my crying helped to strengthen me. It did not make me weak at all. I just let myself go. I was okay after that.
As strange as this may sound after all these years after my last miscarriage some times I still get tears in my eyes when I talk about it with my friend, or anyone. Just explaining how I felt back then with what I was going through, it brings tears to my eyes. My friend’s experience was different then mine because she was able to have closure and I did not. Actually I think that made a big difference. Even though both of our babies passed through our bodies the way they were supposed to she was able to see hers and know it was all done. Because I got sick I did not get to see my baby and did not get that closure. So I had to deal with it the best I could.
After all these years I still some times find it hard to talk with other people about my miscarriages and I still at times feel those tears swelling up in my eyes. It is not because I still hurt. It is because of all I went through. It is not a bad thing either. It’s me being a woman and a mother remembering, but after all the years that have passed they are not painful tears. They are the remembering tears. I do not ever want to forget that I lost my babies. They are a reminder of what God has taken away and what he has given to me. The tears come and go. I’m not scared of them, there’s no need for me to be scared of them because those particular tears only last for about a minute I do not let the tears out I end up actually sort of choking on them myself because I do not like to cry in front of people and I personally do not think the people would understand. I do not let people notice it is happening.