Up until recently, I never really gave much thought to cards in general. They’re always nice to send to friends and loved ones. Whether it be a birthday, Valentines Day, Sympathy or just a simple hi. I always thought, “They’re just cards.”
Since the passing of my mom in January 2014, I realized they aren’t “just cards”. When a loved one dies, a card isn’t just a card anymore.
First, you have your Sympathy cards, which I never really gave much thought to. Sure, whenever a friend or a cousin or somebody like that had a loss in their family, I would send them a sympathy card.Their loss was usually their mom or dad. I would always feel bad for them. I would think to myself, “Man, that’s gotta be hard losing one of your parents.” I genuinely felt bad for them, but had no idea what they were feeling. Until now.
I even sent a sympathy card to a friend of mine whose father had passed away just when my mom started to get sick. I felt really bad for my friend. I never dreamed that, only weeks later, that would be me receiving sympathy cards on the loss of my mom.
With the passing of my mom on New years Day 2014, I now understand that feeling of loss. After my mom passed away, I wondered if anyone would send any sympathy cards or if they would send any to my dad for his loss. It wouldn’t bother me any if people didn’t send any cards to me. Not to be mean or anything. I just wouldn’t be offended. After one week’s time I did indeed start getting sympathy cards in the mail from friends and family. It was very nice of them to think of me in this time of great loss.
Now I have a tendency to not go anywhere near the card aisle in a store if I can help it. I just don’t want to see the cards at all right now. I also think from now on, I will probably look at sympathy cards in a different way. The next one, I send which I hope isn’t for a very long time, will be sent with a feeling of sympathy and understanding of what was lost: that love that can only be given from a parent to their child.
After the sympathy cards you all of a sudden realize the next step is all the “first” cards. What do I mean by that? Well, in my case, it would be a Mother’s Day card. Recently I was in the store and as I was looking around, I noticed these huge Mother’s Day cards. I just stared at them. It hit me, all of a sudden, that my mom isn’t with me to share Mother’s Day with this year. Or any other year again, for that matter. It took everything I had in me not to cry right there and then. This will be my first Mother’s Day for me not sending a card to my mom. Knowing that HURTS. It breaks my heart.
After that comes the first Anniversary, Birthday and what ever else where I won’t be able to send my mom a card. I had completely forgotten about all the “first” year stuff until I was in the store that day.
There are so many other firsts as well. It isn’t just cards. When a loved one passes away, there’s that first “Oh I should give them a call and give them the news.” That’s happened to me already with the passing of my mom. Oh, how I cried at that first! That weekend I felt like an orphan, even though my dad is still alive and I’m married. That orphaned feeling was terrible!
You also have all of your first Holidays without our loved one. My first Holiday without my mom was Easter. Normally, I love celebrating Easter with my family and friends. This year all I could feel was the pain of my mom not being here to celebrate with us. We did get to celebrate with my dad, but he was feeling that same pain I was. Now granted, there may not be a lot of Holidays to celebrate in a year’s time, but all of my first Holidays without my mom are going to be tough. I’ve heard the saying that the first year is the hardest, but I never thought much of it. Until now! Now I understand. Now I feel that terrible pain. That loss. I don’t like it one little bit, but then again, who does? I wonder if this is one of those things where time heals all wounds. I doubt it. The pain might ease up after I go through all my firsts without my mom, but the pain of her not being here anymore will always be there in my heart.
The above post is from Chapter 21 in my book “Brooklyn Raised / Livin’ Upstate” . My book is available on the kindle, nook, iBooks, GooglePlay and Paperback. You can read about me growing up in Brooklyn, NY – Living in Upstate NY & Saying goodbye to my mom.
