Saying Good-bye

It was the morning of my mom’s funeral. It was time for me to say my last good-bye to her. That was the last thing I wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was some how get time to stand still for awhile and just be there with my mom’s body. I know that might sound strange or maybe even a little sick, but I didn’t want to leave her. I didn’t want to say good-bye. I didn’t want to burry my mom. I wanted her to stay with me.

There I was standing in front of her body in her casket, just looking at her. I was so close to touching her hand. I wanted to touch her hand for the last time, but the idea of touching a dead body in the casket always creeped me out. So I didn’t do it. I did stare at her for the longest time that morning though. She honestly looked like she was smiling. I know that makes no sense. A dead body can’t smile. My mom looked like she was smiling though. Then I thought, “Well, why not?” I mean, yeah, that was just her physical body I was looking at. I knew her spirit wasn’t in there anymore. I knew my mom’s spirit was now in Heaven living with her Savior Jesus. Of that, I was certain.

So I decided to just go with it. I decided, “Yep, she is smiling.” It made it the slightest bit easier to do what I had to do. Then it was time. It was time to take one last look at my mommy. It was time for the last goodbye. It was time to say, “I love you always and forever”. It was time to leave that funeral home and take the drive to the Church for the service and then the burial. It was time to bury my mom.

If time could have just stood still for a bit that morning, I would have been a happy person. I would have been a happy daughter. Alas, time doesn’t stand still for anyone. I’m thankful, though, I do have the reassurance that I will one day see my mom again. I’m thankful that one day she and I will be reunited in Heaven with our Savior Jesus. Oh, what a day that will be!

Saying goodbye to my mom was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Now that she has been buried for a couple of months, I am finding myself sometimes wishing I could see an image of her. I know that sounds really strange. I also know that can never really happen. In fact, I think if it ever did actually happen, it would scare the living daylights out of me. Yet, at the same time, I can’t help thinking sometimes how nice it would be to see her image.

Sometimes when I’m laying in bed at night and my husband is sound asleep, I find myself staring at the wall. I find myself think, “Oh, if I could just see her standing there.” Or sometimes I think, “If I could only see her image sitting at my bedside. Again, yes I know that sounds crazy. I know it can never really happen. It’s just something I think about. Although it is nice when I do see her in my dreams every once in awhile. I’m never quite sure what she is doing in the dreams, but there is always a smile on her face. Which would make sense since most of the time when my mom was alive there would be a smile on her face.