Did you know I have my moments of doubt?
Did you know I have my moments of jealousy?
Did you know I sometimes forget how blessed I am?
Did you know sometimes okay a lot of the times I let “stuff” get to me?
Did you know sometimes I feel defeated?
Did you know I’m only human?
Lately I’ve been feeling a lot of all of the above. I don’t like it when I feel any of it at any time and yet I get these feelings. It’s a struggle that I have and it isn’t always easy to stop.
There you go. Now you know I struggle with all of the feelings above. Sometimes I feel like I struggle with it all at the same time. Sometimes I struggle with some of them some of the times and some of them at other times. Either way it’s a struggle. I don’t like it when I get any of these feelings, but I imagine nobody does.
I’m also thinking there is no way I’m the only person who struggles with the above feelings. There has to be other people who struggle with doubt, jealously and all the rest of these nasty feelings. I’m guessing these other people don’t like these feeling either.
I know for me when I start to feel any of these feelings especially jealously I get very upset with myself. I want to know why some people get to have the success that they have in different things like lots and lots of books sales. I mean I am happy for these people, but then there’s that ugly feeling of jealously that pops up. Then I start asking “why can’t my books sell like that person’s books”? It’s a real struggle I have. Or when I doubt myself over what ever thing that happens to be bothering me. I DO NOT like it when I doubt myself. It makes me feel terrible.
When I get like this. When I get these nasty feelings about myself or towards other people I end up talking with my husband. I tell him everything I’m feeling. I ask him why do these people get to have all the publicity for there books and I don’t. I ask why I have to doubt myself so much. I ask him why I feel so defeated
My husband usually doesn’t have ALL the answers, but he does have some very good answers for me. He reminds me of the fact that where my miscarriages book is concerned, that it has helped women all over the world to get through their own miscarriages. He reminds me of all the blessing God has given to me like our house and our kids. He reminds me that I need to be happy with myself, the person who God made. He reminds me to be happy and content with what I have since God has given me so much. He reminds me NOT to compare myself to others and to be content with who I am. He reminds me of how much he loves me. Last but not least he reminds me of how much God loves me.
After having a good talk with my husband and being reminded of all that I am and all that I have, I think about it. I start to feel grateful for all that I have again. I do my best to forget about everything else and concentrate on what God has given me.
Like I said earlier I am human. So I will have my struggles with all of these feelings. If I could keep my eyes on all the positives and blessings in my life things would be so much easier. In the mean time I need to keep working on it all and remind myself that I am a work in progress. I figured this is a good thing since nobody is perfect. I will do my best to keep my eyes on my blessings and keep reminding myself that I am in deed a work in progress. I will keep reminding myself that God isn’t finished molding me. I am — A Work in Progress.
