Five years ago my mom died from cancer. Yes I used the word “died”. I didn’t say she passed away, she died. I think about her every day. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a second, a minute, an hour or longer I think about her and all that she has ever meant to me. I miss her every day too. January first of each year is the day I miss her the most because that’s the day she died, January 1, 2014. That’s the one day of the year where I start my day out by crying on my husbands shoulder while he holds me. That is the day that I miss my mom the most without a doubt.
So when people ask me what my favorite memory of my mom is I find it hard to answer because I have so many great memories of her. When I was little my mom and I always spent most Saturdays running errands while my dad was at work. We would take our shopping wagon with us and as we went from store to store buying what was needed for the week we would put each bag in the wagon. Before I forget, I would always ride in the wagon until we finished shopping at our first stop. After that I got out and helped push the wagon. I was always allowed a small treat on those Saturday’s. It didn’t matter if it was a small toy or a cookie from the bakery, I was given that treat. Even when I was being a brat my mom would show love and still buy me that treat. There was also lunch that we would eat together. Sometimes it was a slice of pizza. Sometimes we went to Arthur Treacher’s. And sometimes we would go to this place that was called Hinch’s for burgers.
When I was in my late teens – early twenties I got my license and eventually bought a car. That meant my mom and I could go to places a little further away with me driving. So we would go to the Staten Island Mall sometimes. Or I would take her to places she needed to go to on Saturday’s. There was also the occasional trip to NYC that we would do on Saturday’s. It was always fun walking around Manhattan with my mom and getting hotdogs for lunch from one the many street vendors. We would always eat it on the go and look in a bunch of store windows. Some of the stores we went in. My absolute favorite store to go in with my mom was FAO Shwartz a toy store with lots and lots of teddy bears all different sizes. On our way back home from Manhattan we would always get a pretzel each to take back and eat either on the train or the bus.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I have yet to tell you my favorite memory of my mom. That’s because since the death of my mom I’ve found all my memories of her are precious to me. From spending time with her when I was little till my teen years with her. Then there are the years of memories I have with her being my kids Nana. Those moments with her and my children along with my husband are special to me. They are unforgettable moments that I think about with a smile on my face. Sometimes with tears in my eyes because I know those moments won’t happen anymore. This past January 1st while my husband held me in his arms, while I cried, he reminded me of how proud my mom would be of the woman I’ve become. Of the mom that I am and the Nana that I will be soon. Of the author and blogger that I’ve become. She would be proud of me and I know she loved me so much.
So you see picking one favorite memory of my mom is impossible because they are all so precious to me. I wish I could give my mom a hug and tell her how much I love her. Sadly I can’t. If your mom is still alive and with you, would you give her a hug and tell her how much you love her while you still can? I know she would love it.
Kathleen Smith is an author, blogger and she has a podcast called Kathleen’s Korner. If you would like to read more about her mom you in either Brooklyn Raised Livin’ Upstate or Good-bye Brooklyn Hello Upstate